My Ex-Van

God gives and God takes away. I know that.

Still, it hurt today when He allowed my van to be taken from me. The insurance guy called and said it was totalled in an accident last week. I learned that "totalled" doesn't always mean it's a horrible accident. This accident was just a little one, nobody else was involved, nobody was hurt...except for my lovely little van.

I felt silly crying over a hunk of metal, leather, and plastic. I had to run away from Tim so he wouldn't see how disappointed I was.

He'd been the one who had the accident. He felt terrible that he had been driving my vehicle and not his own. I didn't want to burden him with more guilt.

When he caught up with me and held me in his arms, I was embarrassed to hear myself sob. Tim said, "We'll get another one. It's going to work out."

I nodded my head against his chest. "I know that," I said, "Give me just 10 minutes to be sad."

"Okay, but only 10," he said with a smile.

It's just that I'm going to miss it.

It was what I prayed to have for years.

Before we had the van, for over a year and a half we owned only one vehicle - a Nissan Sentra. Let me tell you, it is possible to get a family of six into a tiny little Sentra, but it is not safe to do so. There are only 5 seatbelts! I stayed home with the children any time Tim had the car. Since he commuted an hour each way to work, I stayed home a lot. Staying home was not always convenient, but it helped us save up money for our future van.

The kids (ages 6, 4, 2 and baby) would pray with me every night: "Jesus, Please give us a van and please give us a home in the country." Then we would thank Him for all that He had already given us: our one little car and our little house in town.

One day, Tim, a motorcycle-and-truck kind of guy, decided we had enough money saved and agreed that we could start looking for a van. Right away, we found just the right one at a great price.

God had taken His sweet time in answering my prayers then, but He did answer them!

I know He'll do so again.